How to discuss your finances with your partner
“There are three things you don’t talk about in polite company: politics, religion and money” – or so the saying goes. We want to challenge our attitudes around one of these three Great British taboos, especially within long-term relationships and marriages. Creating an open dialogue between you and your partner around your current financial situation and your future goals is a great way to improve your combined financial wellbeing – yet, in our experience, even long-term couples often don’t get round to making sure they’re on the same page. So, how do you start discussing your finances with your partner?
The stigma around discussing money
Let’s face it, discussing money with your partner can be a difficult subject to broach; sometimes it’s unclear when is the right time to start the conversation and what’s on and off limits, but it is an important conversation for the two of you to have. Money can be a taboo topic within many relationships and is often the course of many arguments, especially if one of you is naturally a Saver and the other is a Spender.
As financial advisers, we are well versed in discussing finances but see first-hand that for many people it can be an uncomfortable topic; in fact, we have found that many of the couples we work with haven’t had an open conversation about what’s important to them financially - either now or for the future. One of the key skills we have to deploy is facilitating this conversation so we can establish agreed priorities and goals to work towards.
The importance of discussing your finances with your partner
Despite the secrecy that shrouds our finances, it is of the utmost importance that we can engage in truthful conversations around money with our partners. Such discussions will enable you both to achieve the financial goals that you individually and jointly hold, as well as futureproofing for your life after work.
Research1 shows that communication within couples is a key part when planning your retirement, and those that do not plan effectively then face conflict and tension within the relationship. Within these discussions, facts such as women tending to outlive men3 need to be taken into consideration, for example putting a plan in place for how a widow might cope financially with the loss of her partner and whether she would need to claim Bereavement Support Payments2.
How do you discuss money with your partner?
So, you’ve decided your financial wellbeing could benefit from an open discussion. But how do you spark such a conversation?
- Be understanding: Remember that just because you’ve become ready to discuss your finances, doesn’t mean that your partner necessarily will be. Take things slowly and try to hear them out.
- Make the conversation goal oriented: This will keep the conversation light and positive.
- Think about long-term plans: There is a temptation to discuss just your five-to-ten-year plan, but a good conversation about finances will involve looking way into the future.
- Do your research: It’s okay not to have all the answers during the first conversation; go away, do your research, take your time to think about how you feel about the topics that you’ve discussed and go from there.
The importance of financial planning with a professional financial adviser
It’s great to start talking about your finances in a closed and personal setting, keeping it to just the two of you. Once you have engaged in these initial discussions, however, it’s a good idea to get some professional advice from a financial adviser, who will be better qualified to help you put the necessary steps in place to help you achieve your individual and shared goals.
From our experience, we have been in various consultations with partners and spouses who have never discussed their finances before and, despite their best efforts, find it a really difficult subject to broach. In such a case, you may benefit from a financial adviser being present even in these initial stages, as their neutrality and detachment from your personal relationship can help break down a few walls.
We delight in seeing our clients’ financial wellbeing improve, and we know that a huge part of this revolves around opening up the dialogue around money within relationships. We are happy to offer an initial no-obligation consultation for individuals and couples – call 01732 449 799 to book your appointment.
- GAE - Retirement Transition Planning - June 2024
- Bereavement Support Payment: How it works - GOV.UK - 2021 - 2023 data
- National life tables – life expectancy in England and Wales - Office for National Statistics - October 2024
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